To Pay Or Not To Pay

No wonder people think dating in New York is so tiresome and complicated.

 It seems to me that women expect men to pay for them and men expect to pay. Why is this?

 

If you expect someone else to pay for you, isn’t it just saying ‘I’m not clever enough to earn my own money’?

 

If the man is doing the paying, does it not bring back the argument that men then have to earn more if they are to pay for women too? In which case women cannot demand or expect equal pay.

 

How far back are women going to go? Do we want to vote? Do we want to work? Do we want to be able to ask for our own drink at the bar? Do we want to be able to wear trousers?

 

Yes really!  I remember going to a bar for lunch with my male boss when working in Fleet Street, London in the late 1980’s. Luckily I was wearing a skirt suit, as is my personal preference, as not only did they not serve women at the bar, they didn’t like women wearing trousers! I never went back but I’m guessing that they soon moved into the 20^th Century as had most places in the UK by then.

 

So in 2009 New York, what do women do with their own money if they’re not paying for themselves? I think spending it on the wrong things (excessive plastic surgery and ‘medical’ spa visits spring to mind).

 

Don’t get me wrong, I believe chivalry is all well and good. Politeness costs nothing and should be expected from everyone, both sexes. Offering to pay is chivalrous, again from both parties, but being expected to pay is a different issue.

 

There’s the argument that whoever asks for the date should pay. This should work as after the first or second date, surely both parties will be making suggestions as to where to go so all will be square.

 

I believe women disguise the desire for men to pay for them by declaring, perhaps sub consciously, that they are old fashioned, or traditional. Do they really they just want to give up work? I’m surprised they have time for work anyway if they are too busy serial dating in desperation looking for ‘the one’!

 

If they are that old fashioned, are they going to do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping and looking after the house? I think not.

 

I heard the most ridiculous argument the other day; women expect the men to pay because they spend the most money on grooming themselves for dates, to look good for men.

That is stretching the imagination to the extreme.

 

I do like to make an effort not just for men but because I like to look my best. Last time I looked, there were plenty of choices on where to buy clothes and makeup and spas etc are optional. Women looked good before L’Oreal’s, ‘Because I’m worth it’ slogan came along and I believe there was a much higher ratio of successful marriages in decades gone buy. Yes we are worth it. So do we really want to share our lives with a man who is so shallow that looks are so high on the agenda?

 

The one issue that throws the argument out is if one person earns/has considerably more than the other. They are going to have a higher living standard and not going to lower it so are more likely to treat their date to places they are happy to go to themselves.  

 

Doesn’t have to always be that way though.

 

November 25^th 2008

Who’s Zooming Who?

Initially, I felt that everyone just seemed friendly towards me. Maybe I was a new face in an old bar in a crowded city where socially, frazzled folks welcomed adding another phone number to their already heaving, long lists.

 

I have always been told it’s rude to stare, a notion I still subscribe to. So why does it seem acceptable, in this, a crowded, downtown New York bar?

 

Just into my first, beautifully crafted glass of refreshingly chilled wine, I realised that all and sundry were looking at everyone else.  At no other time has the phrase ‘checking them out’ been more apt.

 

The blonde in the slim jeans tucked into boots, seemingly the uniform of the moment, was checking out the all-American denim guy. The all-American denim guy was checking out the petite Latino lady. The petite Latino lady was checking out everyone taller than her.

 

Who’s Zooming Who? I like the way the old Aretha track put it; literarily everyone seemed to be looking at everyone else.

 

I’m hoping time will prove me wrong and this is just the cynic in me and perhaps this behaviour is just prevalent in certain bars in particular neighbourhoods, but it smacks of desperation when everyone is looking over shoulders to see if anyone better has just walked in. What are they missing out on? Could they be the person of their dreams? Could they be missing out on a chance of happiness?

 

Yes, I know I would have had to been looking myself to have observed all this strange behaviour but I am a new face in a new town – just curious, innocent people-watching on my part.

 

Other than a couple of obvious Queens, with whom I exchanged cursory glances and delightful banter with, this was the West Village after all, I was here solely to be acquainted with one person.  I gave up just a few hours of my life to be here. I have the other 164 hours in the week to see other people, do other things, go other places.

 

Is it too much to ask of New Yorkers to concentrate on one person at a time?

 

 

November 9^th 2008