Movie – Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging (Wasps, Cars and Landladies)

This wasn’t on my list of must sees, rather it was a maybe.

James King, R1’s film critic, who is usually on the radio just as I am getting ready to go to the cinema, says it was for 10-12 year olds, not for 14 year olds, the age of the film’s characters.

As my baby niece, aged 24, says ‘I‘m like a teenager’, this film may not have even appealed to me. It may be a little too twee.

Then in another review, that I had only read part way, I discovered  that the lady that made Bend It Like Beckham, and even better, was lined up to make the film version of Dallas had made this.

How bad could it be?

If the Dallas project comes through it will be a hundred times more exciting than the combined anticipation for SATC and Mama Mia, and then some, neither of which lived up to the hype.

So I set off for the cinema, earlier than usual and nearly forgetting to go altogether. I had 3 minutes to get ready and out of the door if I was going to make it in good time.

On getting in my car, I realised I was blocked in. I went to the next door neighbour who said it must have something to do with the landlady. She was nowhere to be seen. Said neighbour popped her elfin head out of her door to say she may be in the garden.

I couldn’t see her out there.

I then realised there was another garden, beyond the first garden. I saw some bushes moving and out popped the sandy coloured mop head of the Landlady. I asked if the car belonged to the gardener she was with. No perceptible reply.

I asked if the car could be moved so I could go out. I think she mumbled something about the gardener cannot be disturbed.

I asked again adding that I was now running late.

Her response, I think, included something about waiting 20 minutes. I think the general feeling was that the blockage was my fault. Apparently, if I wanted to move my car from my parking space today, I should have been monitoring for potential blockages.

Several requests later, protesting my innocence finally lead to the gardener at least standing to attention.

Then I noticed a buzzing noise. I was still arguing my case that I didn’t realise I had to install surveillance cameras behind my car to monitor potential blockages.

The buzzing noise continued. Just as I saw the gardener from the corner of my eye and wondering why he was wearing what appeared to be a bee-keepers outfit, I was horrified to notice a wasp was inside my top. That will explain the buzzing.

I threw down my jacket, keys and anything else that happened to me in my hands into the grass ready to do battle with the pest. The small buzzy one, not the Landlady.

You could ague by now who was angrier, the wasp for being made homeless or me for being blocked in potentially missing the start of Mrs Dallas’ new film.

The wasp was.

It stung me.

I hadn’t been stung since primary school but I don’t recall doing anything to aggravate Mr Wasp then either.

By this time the Bee Keeper had agreed to move his car, but I was livid and just wanted to get in the safety of my car and drive away from this Stephen King plot.

With offers of help from offending parties, the Bee Keeper and Landlady, not Mr Wasp and my sting, which was like a beacon, underneath my neck, I dashed into my car slamming the door.

I went to drive off and realised I couldn’t. I had lost my glasses in the battle.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.

Back to the Stephen King scene of terror.

Landlady assured me I wasn’t previously wearing glasses. This is the same conscious Landlady who let me walk about for 4 whole minutes knowing she had woken up a swarm of angry homeless wasps.

I finally found the glasses and dashed to my car. I was on my way, desperately scrambling around for some sort of ointment that I could put on the Beacon.

Unbelievably I found some. It’s amazing what you have in the car and I popped it into my cinema candy bag and vowed to repeat applications every 3 – 4 minutes until I inevitably forgot about it.

I was determined not to be scarred for the rest of the English summer.

I got to the cinema and sat down amongst the 10-12 year olds with my ointment, Blackberry and Dolly Mixtures.

Ointment. Checked

Emails. Checked

Sweets. Checked

All with time to spare to catch the last trailer and most important of all the Rob Low promotion to make us turn of our phones. Worth getting to the cinema on time for every week.

The film was a little like ’Bend It’ and a little like ‘Anita and Me’, from around the same time.

Similar in that it was narrated by a 14 year old hormonal girl and about her similarly boy-obsessed girl friends.  

It was funny from the start.

I was pleasantly surprised to see some familiar faces as the adults, Alan Davies and Karen Taylor.  I only knew the names after I’d finished reading the review upon my return. The director had to fight for these two as the studio wanted more famous faces. I’m guessing Hugh Grant, reading between the lines.

The plot was obviously about the girls being desperate for their first boyfriend and hopefully first kiss soon thereafter.

They even had a kissing tutor, one of the pupils from their school. A hilarious modern touch sure to appeal to the American ‘I have 3  shrinks’ audience.

They were some good twists and turns with only a little teenage predictability.

I knowingly laughed all the way though, probably more than the pre-pubescents that the film was made for. Knowingly because I don’t have to still go through it.

The music was good which is always a deal breaker for me. It had to be good as the object of our girls’ obsession was in a band. Like I said, predictable hero status but very, very warm and funny.

Go see it if you want to smile for an hour and a half.

 

8/10

Smile factor 9/10